He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tāngata, he tāngata, he tāngata

What is the most important thing in the world? It is people, it is people, it is people.

We know it. We say it… Relationships are key to our working and personal lives.

It is a phrase that rolls off our tongues only too easily. But to what extent do we actually live it ourselves?

As a leadership coach (amongst other things!), I hear comments such as “I don’t have a very good relationship with them”. The person may then go on to explain what the other person does that causes the lack of relationship.

What occurs is that this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, the person seeks information that confirms the very things they dislike in the other person. It becomes all they can see.

As my mother used to say “It takes two to tango” (possibly said in a different context to this!). But the thing is, (to use another colloquialism), it’s not a one-way street. Relationships take two or more people.

When you look across your relationships, and identify those not going so smoothly, ask yourself

How am I relating?

What’s my role in this relationship breakdown?

We cannot change anyone. We can only change how we behave, which may then engender a different response from the other person.

Take a listen to Martyn Newman talking about the emotional intelligence for leadership competency of “Relationships”.