In our fast-paced, demanding world, the pursuit of strength often leads us to neglect our own well-being. We tend to believe that constantly being the “strong one” is a virtue, but it comes at a cost. When life becomes challenging and we find ourselves feeling fragile, it’s essential to recognise that there’s strength to be found in our vulnerability.

As the renowned author Brené Brown wisely stated, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” This courage to acknowledge our vulnerability is the first step towards a healthier, more sustainable way of navigating life’s challenges.

In our over-extended states, we often exhibit behaviours that are detrimental to our well-being. We become brittle, uncompromising, or even bristly, closing ourselves off from others and making poor decisions. The emotional toll of trying to maintain an unbreakable facade can leave us drained and exhausted. In fact, numerous studies have found that chronic stress can lead to a range of physical and mental health issues, including heart disease and anxiety disorders.

Leaders, in particular, are susceptible to this pattern of relentless self-sacrifice. They feel the weight of responsibility for their colleagues, communities, and all that’s incumbent upon them. However, pushing oneself to continuously show up and be on point is not humanly sustainable. The Ipsos Global Advisor Study (2022) found that more than half of New Zealanders have felt stressed to the point where it had an impact on how they live their daily life (56%) and where they felt like they could not cope/deal with things (53%).

Unfortunately, sometimes we only realise the necessity of softness in our strength when we’re brought to a grinding halt. Our physical health may deteriorate, or we start making poor decisions personally and professionally. Self-destruction is neither a pretty spectacle nor a pleasant experience. Yet, it is during these moments of crisis that we can rediscover our true strength.

The journey towards embracing our softness begins with self-awareness and self-compassion. We must admit to ourselves that we are not coping and that continuing to push ourselves will only lead to further deterioration. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Recognising our limitations and seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of wisdom.

Reaching out to a trusted colleague or professional for support is the next crucial step. In these moments, having someone to help us make sense of our thoughts and feelings can be a lifesaver. The power of connection and shared understanding cannot be overstated.

Leaders, in particular, need to take note that the balance between giving outwardly and receiving inwardly is essential. Turning the care and empathy we show to others toward ourselves is not selfish; it’s self-preservation. Multiple studies show that leaders who prioritise their well-being are more effective and have higher-performing teams. It’s common sense right?

So when life gets tough, and we find ourselves feeling fragile, it’s crucial to remember that true strength is found in our softness. This journey starts with acknowledging our vulnerability, seeking help, and practising self-compassion. As leaders and individuals, taking care of ourselves is not a luxury but a necessity, and only by doing so can we truly be there for others.

I wish to leave you with a quote spoken recently at the funeral of a friend:

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others, should not keep it from themselves.

– J.M. Barrie